1. Know What You Control
One of the most important concepts of Stoicism is understanding the extent of your influence of events, or lack thereof. Having a clear understanding of what you control in life is incredibly important in building a happy life as worrying over external events that you have no control over just perpetuates a cycle of stress with no solution.
Don’t be disheartened if you struggle with this, this problem has been around since ancient history, as Julius Caesar once noted, “men worry more about the things they can’t see then what they can”. This is ever present as modern society shows us movies and shows that depict a hero who battles against all odds and moulds the world to his will. We are told constantly that if we are smarter or more strategic, then we can change our circumstances, but the reality is that many situations are actually out of our ability to control. For example, we are told that using psychological tricks, well worded responses and confidence can directly influence our outcomes in a job interview. The reality is that there are many variables behind the scenes, such as the values of the interviewers, the randomness of how they perceive you and what you offer, whether they already have someone else in mind, the moods of everyone involved, the variables go on. As such, our actual ability to influence the job interview is minimal, yet we stress and agonise over the minute details in a vain attempt to alter it in our favour.
Personally, I have always struggled with this since a child as I was once an avid chess player, to the point I achieved ‘Chess Club Champion’ of my school. This framed my mind that if I was smart enough, I could predict all the future variables of moves and anticipate or plan accordingly in order to win. It’s taken me an embarrassingly long time to understand the difference between a game with limited variables and life which has infinite. I’m now in the process of trying to reframe my mind to identify when my ability to alter the situation is limited, and then understanding I need to move my mind onto other things.
2. See the Obstacle as Training
In life, we all face obstacles no matter our ethnicity, country, or upbringing. In the modern age, we are taught to find ways to completely remove obstacles, or that they are removed for us. Yet, by removing them from life, we end up having fewer skills in coping with smaller obstacles, to the point that there feels like there is a lot of crying over miniscule nuisances. By removing the big obstacles, we find ourselves unable to cope with smaller ones, leading to a lot of ‘first world problems’.
Our mindset needs to shift, as the Stoics would say, each obstacle presents an opportunity for growth, training our mindset, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way”. As much as obstacles in our lives can make us uncomfortable, we need to take a step back and understand that they provide opportunities for us to grow. In fact, our memories are tied to spiking of emotions, of things that scare or elate us, so when we end up conquering those obstacles, we provide ourselves growth and memories to reflect on for years to come.
3. Attempt to behave well
Modern society teaches us to focus on ourselves as an individual, and by doing so, we end up neglecting others. All you need to do is take a drive through a city and I’m certain you’ll see examples of individuals who believe there time is more valuable than yours. As this behaviour is so prevalent, it’s extremely tempting to stoop to the same level, focus only on yourself and disregard others thoughts’ and feelings.
The Stoics teach us that we should strive to act well, Marcus Aurelius noted that disease only attacks your body, but evil attacks your soul/humanity. If we think about the people we like to be around, they tend to care about you, listen to you, and respect you. These people are showing you how to behave, to care about others and treat them well. In fact, Marcus once said, “the people I will meet today will be dishonest, arrogant, jealous and surly”, but, “Don’t be surprised or upset about selfish or arrogant people, they exist in this world”, and yet he continue to try to treat them with respect and patience, as the Stoics believe those people just don’t know any better.
It’s very tempting to focus only on yourself, to believe you are the most important, but if this is how you see life, you’ll end up lonely and unhappy.
4. Avoid Suffering Twice
The Stoics were heavy proponents of ‘mind over matter’, if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. They believe in dealing with the present, to not dwell on the past or the hypothetical future. By fixating on past events, or future hypothetical events, you only cause yourself further suffering from events already gone, or events that may not even occur. If you concern yourself with anything but the present, you control your own suffering, and many people fall trap to it.
In order to combat the worries of the past or future, I focus on what I can actually impact, if I can somehow influence the event then I will put it into action, but then I stop any further spiral thinking. It may not be exactly what the Stoics recommend, but by allowing myself one time to fully analyse a hypothetical future event, I can identify what I might be able to influence, take a note of it, then try to stop myself from continuing down a spiral. I try to be confident in my assessment so that there is no logical reason to revisit the worry. It’s a constant practice, but if mastered, can greatly reduce your suffering.
5. Remind Yourself of the Brevity of Life
As dark as this theme may seem, the Stoics focused on the brevity of life, and constantly reminded themselves of their eventual fate. Marcus Aurelius once noted, “Yesterday a blob of semen, tomorrow embalming fluid, ash”. This may seem rather dark, but by reminding yourself of your eventual fate, it can put what you are going through into perspective, do you need to be concerned about your current problem? Was that argument a big deal? What do you want to get out of life in the limited time you have?
By remind yourself of the brevity of life, you can focus on enjoying the time you have with loved ones and daily activities, rather than getting stuck in the day-to-day grind and ‘first world problems’ we find ourselves with. It requires practice to ‘pull’ yourself out of the day-to-day mindset, but can help with appreciating what you have. We aren’t promised forever, so don’t be sad about that fact, focus on celebrating what you have been given.
These 5 Stoic practices can lead to a more relax, appreciative and happy life, but you need to remember that it is a practice, it takes some work. Even Marcus Aurelius, the famous ‘philosopher king’ had a journal, ‘Meditations’, which documented his constant practice. It’s not something that will ever be mastered, but it’s definitely something to do if you want a happier life.
